Hands

 

 

I only wanted you to hold my hand

Stupid me

I'm not angry because we broke up, I'm sad because I can't let you go.

I'm happy because of the memories we made, I'm sad because I can't stop reliving them in my mind. 

I'm not angry at you for not loving me, I'm angry with me for still loving you. 

I'm not angry that I lost you, I'm sad because I once had you.

I'm not angry that I can't have you, I'm sad because I know what I'm missing. 

I'm not angry that you've moved on, I'm sad because I can't. 

I'm not angry that you won't come back, I'm sad because I keep hoping you will. 

I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to...

I'm sad because I miss you and I love you, still, even after all that

It's hard you know

Why is it so hard for me
to see you as you are.
To remove the layers of anger, hate and blight
you carry within your heart;
why is it so hard for me to accept you
for the man that you are
cruel, heartless, selfish
a man of your own hand

why is it, after knowing what a two faced, backstabbing jerk you are,
my heart doesn't let go
and fill my head with memories of good times galore.

Heart- i hate you for the pain your putting me through
Mind- you disappoint me for not directing my many emotions
          and for filling my visions with that one man who chose to leave
Self- I disrespect you for the tangle you are in, not letting go of something so bitter and undignified.

  

Yes, we could have been

"Sisters January 31, 2011

not too long ago

he lay in my bed

refusing to leave.

and now you, you lie in his.

well call me crazy

but i think you and i,

we could have been friends.

the sisterhood of his traveling dick.

who knows? maybe we will

if ever you forgive me

for having him first."

source- http://greenteadiaries.wordpress.com/

             .
             .
             .

my sentiments exactly.

Time, eh?

"I wish I could omit whole chunks of time so that what i have left is the times spent with you."
I wrote this before, when my life was perfect
when i had a lover
a confidant
a friend.

Now that i have none
i am tempted to say "I wish I could omit whole chunks of time so that what i have left are the memories of you."
or i could say-
"I wish I could omit whole chunks of time so that all i have are times spent alone."

Harsh, isn't it? this thing called love, break up and playing around.

Red light

Unfortunately.

Cupcakes

I made 'em yum cupcakes yesterday
and all i did was remember you all the way.

I saw your arms holding me
and gobbling them up greedily.
I saw you saying you love 'em
but more so you love me.
I saw your smile, laced in my tears
and i saw you sitting where we were together.

I couldn't help but think,

how this day would have been shared

how me excitement mixed with yours

would have been perfect, paired.

Of course, it didn't help
that it had exactly 12-
two for each and two more,
remaining.
in memory
of you.

Truth, really.

All i want to do is cry.

I miss you when i am happy
I miss you when i am sad
I miss you when i'm bored to death
and i miss you when i'm cramped.

You think after one month, the pain will soon subside.
that the dreams at night won't be haunted
by the ghost of your smile.

You'd think that i would awake
with no memories of the dreams
but what remains when eyes are open
are fractions of you and me.

When my head hits the pillow
and i turn away from your name
you'd think i would be able
to block away the pain.

But what i see is what i crave for
the past of you and me
the picture of you lying next to me
holding me to your dreams.

i see your smile in the darkness of the room
i see you creeping up to me
i see your hands going round about
and folding me to your being.

i hear you mumbling sweet nothings
and the whispers of dreams to come.
i hear you saying you love me
and that you'll never leave my side.

all this while you lay next to me
in moments sweetly stolen
in the sunny bright morning
and the late evening hues.

You'd think it would be easy to accept
after all what you said.
but in my head your still my baby,
the missing part of me.

You go. I stay.

You baby, is my sweet sweet past.
But me baby, will decide which loser stays and goes.

ILY always, probably.

Finally

"You are not worth the dust on my feet"

I am special

I am special. I just took some time realizing it.

In need of a friend

Will you be my friend? please.....

Lord are you there?

I wonder why sometimes
all out of the blue
a tear falls
a memory snaps up
the heart hurts
and i think of you.

I wonder why suddenly
my head starts to hurt
with pictures of the past
whispers of the words flown by

I wonder why
the God above
can't see the pain
and mend my broken heart.

But then again,
when did you care Lord
when did you care?
was it when i was hurting over a slapped hand
when i was crying over a swear word.

You cared Lord,
did you not?
so you took him away
when life was going good.

I didn't know
that in reverse is how you worked
that you seek pleasure
in taking away mine.

What faith were you talking about?

The kill

Mask my self

It is hard to keep up this facade
of happiness
while all i feel is longing for a time gone by
in your arms
holding me tight.

It is hard to dress my face with a smile
when all i want
is to cry, bawl my eyes out
tear at my hair
and scream until i'm horse

It is hard to pretend that everything is ok
when all i feel is loneliness
drowning me in to its depth of darkness.

It is hard to acknowledge your presence
when all i want to do is crawl away
hide under a thick blanket
of misery

It is hard to act like i don't care
when others are all over you
and i have no say
in the midst.

It's hard
Goddamn it; it's hard.

But it's ok,
not like you care anymore,
right?

Truth

Once upon a time

Looking back

“As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. 

As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. 

The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. 

So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”